Firstly: Dudes. I'm sorry. (Because I know all of you wait around with bated breath for new blog posts. Shut up, Carly, you self-centered douche, you say? Okay.)
My lower back (or lumbar spine for all of the medical professionals I'm certain read this blog), like my twat of a stomach, is one shifty bitch, hellbent on confining me to a mostly-horizontal position and causing the lower half of my person to burn with the same kind of searing pain I'm sure Steve experiences whenever he urinates out of his floccus-encased pee-hole. So I've been dealing with the fact that I'm probably going to end up permanently hunched over, shuffling around in public while flailing a Penny Saver advert at passing cars and screaming, "PLEASE!" at my boyfriend to give me some of his cardboard. Wait, what? Okay, that might've described a homeless woman I saw downtown outside of my office building at lunch one day. But she was hunched over at like, a 90-degree angle and I'm pretty sure that's where all of her problems originated. All of this to say that I've been trying to prevent myself from becoming that woman but it's been a slow process, and writing about attempted rape has kind of fallen by the wayside.
But! The post is coming along, I promise you. I'm making a concerted effort to at least finish up the writing portion of it this weekend, and then hopefully gathering all of the screenshots over the course of the coming week. I want to thank all of my very (patient) loyal readers, You know that you rule and I know that you rule and because of that I'll gift you with what I now consider my New Favorite .Gif Ever:
And by "favorite" I of course mean, "Here. Take this julienne peeler and slowly exfoliate the top layers of each of my eyeballs with it." Drink it in, guys.
Image courtesy of the author's Mad makeagif.com Skillz.
have you ever tried swimming? (in a lap pool) for your back i mean. i really hope your back feels better asap.
ReplyDeleteI have not tried swimming, mostly because swimming. And swimming pools scare me, mostly because butthole water (see: the recap of "Ashes to Ashes" for reference).
DeleteBut seriously, Dimi, if I keep having problems, I may just have to buck up, duct tape my mouth shut and dive in.
You are forgiven. Feel better soon! In the meantime, I have some medicine for you. I think THIS will now become your favorite .gif ever: http://makeagif.com/i/sZ7kXd
ReplyDeleteSo I'm at work and I laughed and laughed and laughed and LAUGHED at this. I of course can't explain to my coworkers that I'm guffawing at a .gif of someone being hit by a car without coming across like a complete monster, but I'd venture to say that they'd be okay with it once I told them the person being mowed down was one AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNdrea Zuckerman.
DeleteAnd yes, THIS is now my New Favorite .gif. EVER.
That .gif is almost better than Brenda slapping Ahhhhndrea across her uptight snotty face. Almost.
ReplyDelete