HURRY!! CATCH UP!!!! Part 1: here. Part 2: here.
Back at the Walsh Wedding Venue, Donna and Kelly enter the hubbub, Donna proclaiming it a madhouse with Kelly reasoning, "At least it's dry," and unironically wearing a possibly-denim button down adorned with cows, reminiscent of the time she thought Button Down With Pugs was the zenith of early-'90s' fashion.
The nightmare blunt rotation that is Steve, David and Brandon enter, carrying flower arrangements and scolding the girls about not aiding them in their manual labor.
Kelly exits to go clear the air with Brenda in her bedroom, and Brandon, who is OF COURSE doing the least - carrying the smallest, pint-siziest baby bouquets the florist probably had to offer; the currently in utero Spawn of Silver could schlep a heftier load - leans in and hisses in Donna's ear, "I smell trouuuuuble," after Kelly's retreating figure, like, okay, Truman Capot-not. Nothing comes between this rhododendron-toting, gossip-mongering bitch and a cat fight.
For once in her goddamn life, someone actually has the decency to knock before entering Brenda's room. Kelly stands in the doorway and offers up a, "Bren, I'm really sorry."
Brenda, her perfect hair, glorious eyeliner situation, and fab robe, also put forth a mea culpa: "No, I'm sorry. I was being really selfish."
Kelly talks about all of her very spooky feelings for Jake, proclaiming that, "He really meant something to me," and instead of wearing a wire and recording all of this for the FBI, Brenda just says, "I'm sorry I was so self-centered. I didn't mean to make my problems with Dylan seem bigger than your problems with Jake," and the only reason Kelly's "problems" with Jake are a bigger deal is BECAUSE THEY'RE A LITERAL CRIME. Apologies out of the way, Brenda heads downstairs to grab Donna as we hear the doorbell ring.
YAY! But, also, BOO, because this nice moment isn't going to last very long, Jim. Cindy is delighted to see him, because OF COURSE...
...as is Brenda, whose cheek he kisses before heading upstairs to attempt and fail to make nice with the weeping testes cyst that is Jimbo: First Blood.
Prepare to be profoundly let down, ladies.
Upstairs, this sack sits in the Jim/Cindy lair, watching some kind of sports game on the tv and looking absolutely thrilled.
And then we get a quick cut to Jim absolutely unloading on Dylan, roasting him - smugly, natch - about his "bouts with alcoholism," Brenda's pregnancy scare, et al., and telling him, "At some point in life, you have to take responsibility for your actions." WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S DOING, LIKE, AT THIS VERY MOMENT. Dylan says as much, but because Dylan's not his son, i.e. someone whose poor behavior and actions have been explained away and excused time and time and time again on this show, Jim won't budge, and concludes with, "You broke a trust. And until I feel that that trust is repaired, you can come to the wedding today" - sidebar: IT'S NOT YOUR WEDDING AND THEREFORE NOT YOUR CALL FUCK FACE - "but after that, I don't want you seeing Brenda. Period. Final. The end." I fiercely appeal to Jim to expand his cinematic-viewing horizons beyond the oeuvres of Charles Bronson, Clint Eastwood and any 1980s' action movie set in the jungle/woods/Century City office building. Rather than stabbing Jim, Dylan just says, "I guess there's nothing more to say," and disappointedly slinks out of the room while Jim pants and sticks out his chest like a Real Man™.
Downstairs, he's almost out the door when Brenda scurries in from the dining room and asks where he's going. He tells her, "Home, to get dressed." Brenda, adorable, says, "I am so happy. Whatever you said [to Jim], thank you," they kiss and then:
Smoldering Sadness from Dylan over Brenda's shoulder (who somehow doesn't clock this?)...
Fade to: yes, yes, a thousand times yes. I will accept NO slander of these spectacular dresses that I've loved for (gulp) 30+ years and will never not love. As the girls put the finishing touches on their makeup, they have a really ooky conversation about their future weddings and what they'll wear and Kelly advises that bands should be reserved, posthaste, since the good ones are booked "years in advance." I won't get into the idiocy of three 17-year-olds pondering their marriage ceremonies; I never contemplated such things at that age, but maybe some kids did?
Kelly goes to check on her mother, who's getting ready in the master suite. She finds Jackie in her weird taffeta wedding business suit, blubbering. Because of the Mel of it all? Oh, probably.
They end up on the chaise, dishing about Jackie's yayo-sprinkled track record with husbands and that maybe she and Mel should just emulate Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell because, "They never saw any reason to get married and they're gorgeous," which was a funny line. Kelly reminds Jackie, "You're getting married because Mel asked you" - score? - "maybe he knows what he's doing." If by "he knows what he's doing," you mean "manipulating a freshly-sober addict into a relationship and baby before blowing up her whole life by predatorily bedding down with a barely-legal underling in less that two years," then, yes he for sure knows what he's doing.
Kelly picks up the worst veil? Hat? Vat? in existence - seriously, if this thing and Cindy's gargantuan ruched JEANS from earlier in the episode joined forces, they could take down entire civilizations - and hands it over to Jackie, who says, "Come on. Let's get married."
This sweet scene ends with Kelly and Jackie walking out the door with their arms wrapped around each other and Kelly bending over to ask the non-bump, "You ready to get married?" Very cute. I've said it a thousand times and I'll say it again: poor Kelly. And especially: poooooooor Jackie.
Come back at some point in the next 6 months and I guess we'll deal with Part 4 of the FUCKING FINALLY last episode of Season 2 MY GAWD.
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