In which we meet Brenda and Brandon's cousin from Minnesota, Bobby Wheelchair. The reason he's in a wheelchair? Brandon. Also, Bobby Wheelchair's a male Walsh, so he's kind of a douche. And has the eyes of sexual assaulter. And looks at Kelly like he's going to make Kelly-skin lampshades in the near-future. And gets mad at Kelly for ever having gone on a date before he came to town. And I really don't like the guy, if you couldn't already tell. And I guess: read on.
While a sweet ghee-tar lick plays in the background, we open on this palm tree...
...and then fade down to the front entrance of West Bev...
...where our friend with his neon-and-black backpack makes the exact same trek up the steps as always. Dude likes a routine, apparently.
We also get a shot of these dowdy (presumed) teacher-ladies and their Ross Dress for Less discount rack duds.
More Sweet Ghee-tar music plays as we see this mushroom-headed band loser. Who actually looks more hip and "with it" than AHHHHHHNdrea.
Inside to the hallway with Brandon coming up behind Emily (now with semi-dyed roots!) and RUN EMILY RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND SOUL!
Brandon catches up to her and asks, "Where ya been, stranger? Long time no see." Emily does not answer with the truth (that she's been avoiding Brandon like the plague because he is indeed a plague, and a smug one at that) as I would've, but rather makes some excuses about her credits not transferring from her old school and that she's been taking sophomore make-up classes. She asks Brandon what he's been up to and he's all, "Seems like I've been spendin' all my time on
The West Beverly Blaze." Does he have to clarify that it's the "West Beverly"
Blaze? Does Beverly High or Pacific Palisades High or fucking El Monte High have a school paper called
The Blaze? I somehow doubt it, but if so, NO ONE WOULD CARE ANYWAY. Except for AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNdrea. But who cares, because AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNdrea.
Unfortunately, Emily seems all impressed and tells him that she's been reading his articles and I guess like, masturbating to them or something. Brandon says that he's in a rush to meet Brenda and that she's taking her driver's test "for the third time." Emily's all, "What's her problem, anyway?" and as I recall, it was you and your upcoming pelvic exam, bitch. But Brandon tells her, "Parallel parking. We practice and practice but she just doesn't get it." And then he laughs and laughs about his sister's vehicular shortcomings like a real shithead.
Over in another part of the hallway, Donna (who looks great in white) Brenda (perfect as always) and Kelly (wearing...a shirt from Jackie's coke-fiend days?) walk together as Brenda talks about being freaked out about her driving test and hitting the orange cones used for parallel parking and the horrible dream she had the night before where she had to park a semi between two "gigantic oreenge [yes, she pronounces it "oreenge" and is adorable] cones" that were filled with explosives.
They wind up at Brenda's locker and she asks the other two if they were freaked out about their driving exams and Kelly braggarts, "God no. I passed with flying colors. I think some people are just born to drive." Donna sets the record straight and informs Brenda, "Oh, please. You should've seen Kelly when she first got her license. For the first month, I felt like a crash test dummy." Kelly admits that she had a few "fender-benders" but that's how she learned. Ah, rich kids.
Brandon then comes up behind Brenda and gets inappropriately close and touchy and asks if she's ready. Brenda asks where Dylan is and Brandon's all, "Throwing back a Zima Gold in the parking lot," only not really, but rather, "I saw him at lunch, he said he'd meet us out front."
Brenda, Donna and Kelly have a group hug which was nice. Something to remember later in the episode when Bobby Wheelchair is eating our souls with his dead-eyed gaze.
