Saturday, February 28, 2015

Season 2, Episode 12 - Down And Out (Of District) In Beverly Hills: I DON'T CARE.

(Almost a three-month hiatus? Not too shabby.  I seriously don't even know what happened, you guys.  Wait.  No.  That's a lie.  AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHNdrea happened.  And every time I would sit down to write, I would think of at least 17 ¾ other things that I would rather be doing.  And then I would do them.  And then I would take a nap or three.  And then I would come back to my desk and attempt to write again and the whole vicious cycle would start all over.  So, here is what I was able to begrudgingly scrape together over the last few months.  Apologies in advance.)

In which who cares?  I mean, it's an episode surrounding AHHHHHHHHHHHNndrea And Her Plight.  And by "her plight" I of course mean "her non-plight that no one gives three corroded dick shafts about, wherein she's a goblin and basically compares her un-problem to her grandmother's escape from a Nazi regime." If you haven't already sprinted away in the opposite direction following that intro, then you're a hopeless masochist with horrible judgment and I pity you, I really do.  I pity you.

We open in the courtyard/quad-whatever of West Bev.  This oddly daunting synth music plays in the background.

Inside the hallway, Kelly stares directly into the camera, so you know that the camera is supposed to represent someone's vantage point.  And we know whose vantage point when Kelly says, "AHHHHHHHHNdrea," all concerned.  And once you hear that the camera represents AHHHHHHHHNdrea, and that this episode will most likely revolve around her, you will swiftly mash the OFF button on your clicker, pick up a book or perhaps dig the empty Cinnamon Toast Crunch box out of the garbage can to read, or turn your chair towards a blank wall and give it a good, long, open-mouthed gape for a couple of hours or do anything else at all just so you don't have to endure a plot surrounding a character no one cares about or even likes in the slightest.

As AHHHHHHHHNdrea continues down the hall, everyone, including Steve and his heinous shirt and corkscrew mullet, gawk in AHHHHHHHHNdrea's direction all horrified.  Which is not really any different than how people usually react to AHHHHHHHNdrea's presence, so I don't quite see what the big deal is here.

When David sees AHHHHHHHHNdrea coming, he looks all befuddled and drops his books, and, given that she's SPOILER ALERT naked, probably pops a teensy Woodrow.

Finally, we arrive at Brandon.  Oh, goody.  He's all, "AHHHHHHNdrea?"

We then get our first shot of a (presumably) topless AHHHHHHHHHHNdrea.  That's far too much of Gabrielle Cateris' clavicle-into-breast region for my taste.  She asks him, "Why is everybody staring at me? I mean, what's wrong?"

And SPOILER ALERT Dream Brandon's just as much of a condescending jackass as Real Live Brandon, so he patronizingly asks, "Didn't you forget somethin'?"

AHHHHHHNdrea looks down and realizes her nakedness as Dream Steve and Dream David do a pretty accurate impression of how Real Live Steve and Real Live David would react under the same circumstances (i.e. like leering pervs).  And then the school bell rings and everyone laughs and laughs...